i am afraid of the Girl i like

When you find a girl pretty and she starts talking to you, what do you feel? Well I know what I felt… Scared.

What am i afraid of? Perhaps the prospect of a relationship itself? If you have gone 20+ years without one you should excuse me for being afraid of the new, for the fear of the unknown is perhaps one that has prevailed throughout human kind’s history.

Why I am so good?

But you should not be mistaken, a girl showing interest in me… that’s not new. Consider me boasting and at the cost of you guys possibly not reading further, but I have been confessed to by girls. 10 on top of my head. In fact, I must tell you that the girlfriends of my two closest friends in school liked me first. Only after I showed my disinterest in the idea of a relationship did they venture out for them. A WILD thing to say, I know but it has been confirmed by the girls themselves and you would be damn wrong if you thought I wouldn’t be boasting about this for the rest of my life. Additionally, In all honesty, I could not really digest the fact that those two actually stayed in relationship with them. I know it was not particularly wrong but had I been in the same position I would have not done so, and that is all i can say about it.

This time?

This time it was a bit different, it was the foolish me who had shared how i had found her a bit pretty. My friends were supportive enough to take that piece of my message and share it with everyone. When she sat in front of us, they were kind enough to announce my presence well enough that perhaps even the professor remembers my name by now. Well whatever the case, I am pretty confident in holding a conversation, so I had no problem talking with her and her friend. Perhaps with the small talks and obviously due to a huge contribution of my friends, maybe they caught on what was happening. Slight glances between her and her friend as i talked to her signaled to me that after this class it would be all over.

I did not think much of it. Remember, I only found her attractive is all. I never had those movie or drama level crushes, so i was fine with it.

It was a surprise when i checked my phone to see her messaging me in my DMs. Utter shock i say.

Contrary to what i had in mind, she was really pro-active while chatting. A sign of interest maybe? What do you say?

i remember a friend saying that voice messages were level two with the girls. Well he was coloured surprised, when she called me, and to my absolute surprise i picked it up. It had been just 4 days since we first started talking. Albeit, in the call i taught her about the assignment .

Albeit Albeit Albeit

Is it normal? Do you really call that quick? i don’t know.

Perhaps she is just too comfortable with this. There are definitely people who can do these things without batting an eye. And it is absolutely possible what i think she is doing is just what she does normally with all her friends.

The way she is comfortable… Perhaps she had a lot of boyfriends in the past? Would that be a hurdle for the insecure me? Perhaps this is what makes i afraid.

If not, is it the prospect of us going out together and finally… finally the all mighty i having rejected others facing the judgement iself ?

i wonder. i wonder.

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